(originally published on Facebook July 1, 2018)
I have
preferred that people call me Vincent since 2011, but I find that some of you
have continued to call me Vinny. I’ve thought to myself, Wow, it’s like they
haven’t gotten the memo. And then I recently realized: I’ve never actually “sent”
the memo. Some of you I’ve told, some I’ve give my rationale for changing my
name, and some of you have no idea this change has taken place. So, as I’m
about to be married and will see so many of you who are used to referring to me by my former name, I think it’s a
good time to rectify (and create) the record. So here it is, the official
request and explanation for why I wish you to call me Vincent.
After
Heather died in 2010 I felt as if I had entered a new world. I began the
process of reinventing myself, and changing how I interacted with people. I
wanted to demarcate this new portion of my life with something concrete. Not
that I desired to forget Heather (which I couldn’t do in any fashion even if I
tried) but just to acknowledge that one part of my life was over and another
had begun. One way I thought of doing this was by changing my name. I toyed
with taking a new last name, but then Rebecca, my girlfriend at the time, began
calling me “Vincent” because she’d seen that on my business card, and I liked
the sound of it. I’ve always gone by Vincent as an author and in the business
world, and I realized that I only needed to “change” my name to, well, my
actual given name. And this would only be a small adjustment to folks in my
family and social circles, compared with changing my last name to Colossus,
e.g., which I considered for a hot second. Ironically, at the beginning of our
relationship Heather had wanted to call me Vincent but I resisted and she
desisted.
It is not a casual thing, this “new” name of mine. When people
call me by my former name I actually become pained—it doesn’t feel right, it is
a harkening back to a time that is gone, and I feel momentarily stymied, as if
I’m being dragged into the past. This is not, I want to again emphasize, that I
wish to rid myself of the memory of my time with Heather; I actually spend a
great deal of time thinking about her and all that I shared and learned with
her, and I write about it fairly intensely. But I also (and mostly) exist in
the moment, and here in the present I am decidedly Vincent. I know this change
will sadden many of my cousins who were so tickled to introduce me or otherwise
refer to me as “My Cousin Vinny.” Ok, you’ve had the laugh for more than
twenty-five years, which is a pretty good run for that shtik. It’s enough
already. Of course I realize that you might slip up and still call me by my
former nickname, and it’s okay if you forget here and there, I’m not holding
anyone’s feet to the fire; I’ll be satisfied as long as you make the effort to
remember and respect the fact that I am now Vincent.
End of memo.
🙂
