Best of the Worst

While a great work of art, novel or movie may not be ruined by its title, a poor one can certainly diminish it. Creating a work and hanging a name on it are two separate skill sets, which is why newspapers have since time immemorial hired people whose job it was to write the catchy headlines for stories journalists toiled over (only to sometimes see the whole gist of the story ignored for a punchy one liner). This was the analog version of click-bait.

I’ve long been bothered by a few works whose titles completely miss, for one reason or another, and it's high time I get this off my chest. I have only one nominee for the Best Album with the Worst Title. And the loser is... There Goes Rhymin’ Simon by Paul Simon.

Perhaps this would be a good title for an illustrated children’s book about a boy who rhymed everything in his path (“Oh, look what I see...a tall and very green tree!”) but not for anything adult, most especially an album with some serious themes. So what should the album have been called? While I don’t think it necessary for me to have a replacement in order to legitimately abhor the actual title, I will go so far as to say almost anything he could have called it would have been an improvement. Even the shortened Rhymin’ Simon, while offensive, would still have a few legs up on There Goes you-know-who. Truncating it further to Rhymin’ is better still--less is always more with this terrible naming. But I’d rather chop the whole misshapen tree down in favor of an alternative that would add to or at least not detract from the work. My choice would be American Tunes--merely pluralizing a song found within the album. True, American Pie had been a mega-hit and released only three years prior, so Simon might’ve wanted to stay away from something so similar; but surely the risk of committing the crime of same-iness was worth it for attaining "something so right." 

Rhymin’ starts and ends with a pair of hits: ”Kodachrome” and “Loves Me Like a Rock” (both reached #2 on Billboard) and in between are a slew of wonderful songs: “Something So Right”  and “St. Judy’s Comet” stand out for me, but the brightest shining gem to my taste is “American Tune,” whose melody is based on a portion of JS Bach’s “St. Matthew’ Passion” https://youtu.be/O8U9bzT968k. This track holds special meaning for me as it was a song my late wife Heather came to love so much that, though shy about her singing, we performed as a duet for small gatherings of people on several occasions, and for just ourselves many times. 

1. Kodachrome
2. Tenderness
3. Take Me to the Mardi Gras
4. Something So Right
5. One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor
6. American Tune
7. Was a Sunny Day
8. Learn How to Fall
9. St. Judy's Comet
10. Loves Me Like a Rock

The Dixie Hummingbirds’ gospel vocals were featured on “Tenderness” and “Loves Me Like a Rock,” Quincy Jones did string arrangements for the album, and Maggie & Terre Roche performed backup vocals on “Was a Sunny Day.” Many other quality artists contributed to the making of this beautiful effort. Paul Simon is a wonderful wordsmith whose previous album titles with Simon & Garfunkel were good to excellent: Wednesday Morning, 3a.m.; The Sounds of Silence; Bookends; Bridge Over Troubled Waters.... How could he have gone so wrong with this one? When I first purchased Rhymin’ as a teenager I knew the title sounded, well, doofy, but I liked what I heard of it on the radio and bought it anyway. I never hoped to know the provenance of this clunker of a name, but a few years ago I came across a biography of Paul Simon called Homeward Bound, by Peter Ames Carlin, that solved the mystery. It seems Simon’s wife had a dream in which she said, “There goes rhymin’ Simon,” and he decided to use it as the title for his third solo album. This is a prime example of why one shouldn’t allow romantic feelings to overshadow the creative process. He was throwing her a bone because they were having marital difficulties. Their marriage dissolved within two years of the album's release, but the awful title remains, a rotting albatross hanging around the neck of this fine collection.

Stay tuned in Peevish for “Best of the Worst: Movie.” I’m also accepting your nominations in any category you wish.